If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

It's the good girls who keep diaries; the bad girls never have the time.

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

When you are courting a nice girl an hour seems like a second. When you...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

It's true that every time you hear a bell, an angel gets its wings. But...

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...

I've been doing the Fonda workout: the Peter Fonda workout. That's where I wake up,...