If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?