My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick knee.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.