Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...