I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.