I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...