Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Advice Quotes

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

It [baseball] will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger...

It [baseball] will take our people out-of-doors, fill them with oxygen, give them a larger...

Confidence oozed out of him. He took something away from you even before you threw...

Confidence oozed out of him. He took something away from you even before you threw...

This is a great thing that's happening in baseball. We don't know if it will...

This is a great thing that's happening in baseball. We don't know if it will...