Quotes by Phyllis Diller

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

#Funny, #Women

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

#Funny, #Funny Sayings, #Sex

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

#Funny, #Putdowns

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

#Age, #Funny

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

#Age, #Funny

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

#Smile, #Smiling

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

#Anger, #Frustration

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

#Beauty

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

#Ghetto, #Money

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

#Housekeeping

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

#Phyllis Diller

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

#Phyllis Diller