I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them...

There's nothing that can help you understand your beliefs more than trying to explain them...

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.

Children really brighten up a household - they never turn the lights off.

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on...

If you want children to keep their feet on the ground, put some responsibility on...

...human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give...

...human beings are not born once and for all on the day their mothers give...