What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...