A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

The embarrassment after the anger is biggest humiliation a person can experience.

The embarrassment after the anger is biggest humiliation a person can experience.

A man that does not know how to be angry does not know how to...

A man that does not know how to be angry does not know how to...

Being ignored is probably the most frustrating and annoying thing ever!

Being ignored is probably the most frustrating and annoying thing ever!