A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.