There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Ghetto Quotes, Money Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...