There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Ghetto Quotes, Money Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.