I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about short and cheap?

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get...

Baseball is almost the only orderly thing in a very unorderly world. If you get...

Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven't...

Baseball hasn't forgotten me. I go to a lot of old-timers games and I haven't...

I remember I was a scared rookie, hitting .220 after the first three months of...

I remember I was a scared rookie, hitting .220 after the first three months of...