I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it was grass.'

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...