The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

A boy's story is the best that is ever told.

A boy's story is the best that is ever told.

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a...

One thing I had learned from watching chimpanzees with their infants is that having a...

What starts the process, really, are laughs and slights and snubs when you are a...

What starts the process, really, are laughs and slights and snubs when you are a...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.