The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't see him laughing at you.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...