You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.
Quote by Phyllis Diller
Phyllis Diller Quotes
I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.
I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...
Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.
His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.
Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.
Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.
If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.
Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...
A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.
You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.
Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.
Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.
Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...