Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Marriage Quotes

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom...

The distinction between children and adults, while probably useful for some purposes, is at bottom...

We know smoking tobacco is not good for kids, but a lot of other things...

We know smoking tobacco is not good for kids, but a lot of other things...

The essence of our effort to see that every child has a chance must be...

The essence of our effort to see that every child has a chance must be...

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.

I'm like Bush, I see the world more like checkers than chess.