Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing that keeps some parents going.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.