I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...