Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Eyes Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.