It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.