I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord...

Common looking people are the best in the world: that is the reason the Lord...

Before Shaq retired, they should have made him play a game dressed as Kazaam.

Before Shaq retired, they should have made him play a game dressed as Kazaam.

The average newspaper, especially of the better sort, has the intelligence of a hillbilly evangelist,...

The average newspaper, especially of the better sort, has the intelligence of a hillbilly evangelist,...