I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.

Try to keep your soul young and quivering right up to old age.

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose...

I never married because I have three pets at home that answer the same purpose...

I'm as pure as the driven slush.

I'm as pure as the driven slush.