Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Quote by Groucho Marx
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend
Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...
Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.