Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Eyes Quotes, Funny Quotes, Truth Quotes

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Charity isn't a good substitute for justice

Charity isn't a good substitute for justice

Fidelity is the sister of justice.

Fidelity is the sister of justice.

Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are...

Over grown military establishments are under any form of government inauspicious to liberty, and are...