Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Quote by Groucho Marx
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...
Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...
No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
I must confess, I was born at a very early age.
Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...
Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?
Room service? Send up a larger room.
Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.