Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?
Quote by Groucho Marx
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.
A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...
I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...
Women should be obscene and not heard.
She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.
Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...
The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...
After your death you will be what you were before your birth.
In life you need either inspiration or desperation.