Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but youll have to stay in the garage all night.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Dirty Quotes, Funny Quotes

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Life lives, life dies. Life laughs, life cries. Life gives up and life tries. But...

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?