Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and tighten your brakes, but youll have to stay in the garage all night.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Dirty Quotes, Funny Quotes

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

He is television's sultan of splutter.

He is television's sultan of splutter.

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.

If everyone demanded peace instead of another television set, then there'd be peace.