I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Television Quotes

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...