Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.
Quote by Groucho Marx
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.
My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...
No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend
Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...
I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...
Before I speak, I have something important to say.
I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...
I'm so ugly - My father carries around a picture of the kid who came...
Sometimes I need what only you can provide: your absence.
I've risen from the dead. Though sometimes, when I wake up in the morning, I...