Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

I have nothing but confidence in you, and very little of that

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

Age is not a particularly interesting subject. Anyone can get old. All you have to...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another. This...

Money itself isn't lost or made, it's simply transferred from one perception to another. This...

Human happiness and human satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself. It is wrong to...

Human happiness and human satisfaction must ultimately come from within oneself. It is wrong to...