Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband? About 30 pounds.

I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so...

I made a killing in the stock market. My broker lost all my money, so...

I realize that homosexuality is a serious problem for anyone who is - but then,...

I realize that homosexuality is a serious problem for anyone who is - but then,...