There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, Yes, you know he is a crook.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...