There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If he says, Yes, you know he is a crook.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.