I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began...

Humor is reason gone mad.

Humor is reason gone mad.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.