Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.
Quote by Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Quotes
Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...
I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.
One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...
Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
Women should be obscene and not heard.
Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it, misdiagnosing it, and then misapplying...
Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
If you tell the truth about how youre feeling, it becomes funny.
It's kind of fun to do the impossible.
The military caste did not originate as a party of patriots, but as a party...