Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

The husband who wants a happy marriage should learn to keep his mouth shut and...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money makes a man laugh

Money makes a man laugh

Quite often good things have hurtful consequences. There are instances of men who have been...

Quite often good things have hurtful consequences. There are instances of men who have been...