I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

I've learned that everyone wants to live on top of the mountain, but all the...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

The first thing which I can record concerning myself is, that I was born. These...

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Marry me and I'll never look at another horse!

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

The wife who always insists on the last word often has it.

The wife who always insists on the last word often has it.

If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born...

If a man have two wives, one beloved, and another hated, and they have born...