I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

Dont ever underestimate the importance of money. I know its often been said that money...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

Do you mind if I don't smoke ?

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...