I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly like mine: We were both crazy about girls.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

I remember the first time I had sex - I kept the receipt.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book -and does

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.