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I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

I find television to be very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I...

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Before I speak, I have something important to say.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

Either he's dead or my watch has stopped.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it...

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.