Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

No-one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into...

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

Money will not make you happy, and happy will not make you money.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution...but who wants to live in an institution?

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

Go, and never darken my towels again.

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf...

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?