Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Youre a woman whos been getting nothing but dirty breaks. Well, we can clean and...

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I was married by a judge. I should have asked for a jury.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

Who are you going to believe, me or your own eyes?

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

Please accept my resignation. I don't care to belong to any club that will have...

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.