When I was young I was amazed at Plutarch's statement that the elder Cato began at the age of eighty to learn Greek. I am amazed no longer. Old age is ready to undertake tasks that youth shirked because they…

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

I chased a woman for almost two years only to discover her tastes were exactly...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I'm leaving because the weather is too good. I hate London when it's not raining.

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I...

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I worked my way up from nothing to a state of extreme poverty.

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to...

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...