I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
Quote by Groucho Marx
Groucho Marx Quotes
I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...
Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...
No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.
Next time I see you, remind me not to talk to you.
Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.
I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...
Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy
The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've...
Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for...
I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.
I chased a girl for two years only to discover that her tastes were exactly...
I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...
In Hollywood, brides keep the bouquets and throw away the groom.
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my...
Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.