My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was a peripheral visionary. I could see the future, but only way off to...

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

I installed a skylight in my apartment... the people who live above me are furious!

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

I bought some batteries, but they weren't included.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

I'm writing a book. I've got the page numbers done.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

If it's a penny for your thoughts and you put in your two cents worth,...

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.

My roommate got a pet elephant. Then it got lost. It's in the apartment somewhere.