Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.
Quote by Woody Allen
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...
Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.
How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...
Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...
I've often said, the only thing standing between me and greatness is me
Not only is there no God, but try finding a plumber on Sunday.
Sex between a man and a woman can be absolutely wonderful - provided you get...
Man consists of two parts, his mind and his body, only the body has more...
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...
Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.
Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...
To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.
The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...
I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...
I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.
The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.
Facts are to the mind what food is to the body
Can that which is unsavory be eaten without salt? or is there any taste in...