Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes, Smoking Quotes

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Marriage is the death of hope.

Marriage is the death of hope.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I don't believe in the after life, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there must...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

If you're not failing every now and again, it's a sign you're not doing anything...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

I failed to make the chess team because of my height.

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

A relationship, I think, is like a shark, you know? It has to constantly move...

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

Eighty percent of success is showing up.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I ran into Isosceles. He had a great idea for a new triangle!

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

I took the speed reading course and read 'War and Peace' in twenty minutes. It's...

We should pay as much reverence to youth as we should to age; there are...

We should pay as much reverence to youth as we should to age; there are...

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the...

Never praise a sister to a sister in the hope of your compliments reaching the...

I hate when I am taking a math test and my answer is nowhere near...

I hate when I am taking a math test and my answer is nowhere near...