Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Funny Quotes, Sex Quotes, Smoking Quotes

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I want to tell you a terrific story about oral contraception. I asked this girl...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

To you I'm an atheist; to God, I'm the Loyal Opposition.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

The old notion that children are the private property of parents dies very slowly. In...

The old notion that children are the private property of parents dies very slowly. In...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...

Every child senses, with all the horse sense that's in him, that any parent is...