I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by two guys.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

My one regret in life is that I am not someone else.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own.

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

There are two types of people in this world, good and bad. The good sleep...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

80% of success is showing up.

80% of success is showing up.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

Life doesn't imitate art, it imitates bad television.

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

What if nothing exists and we're all in somebody's dream?

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.

My wife always has a splitting archetype whenever I want to have sex.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.

When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.