It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

I took a speed-reading course and read War and Peace in twenty minutes. It involves...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

Tradition is the illusion of permanance.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

His lack of education is more than compensated for by his keenly developed moral bankruptcy.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

Sex is the most fun you can have without laughing.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

I'd call him a sadistic, hippophilic necrophile, but that would be beating a dead horse.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

Time is nature's way of keeping everything from happening at once.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

Although we've come to the end of the road, still I can't let you go,...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.