It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

Who bothers to cook TV dinners? I suck them frozen.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil....

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

I was nauseous and tingly all over. I was either in love or I had...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

She wore a short skirt and a tight sweater and her figure described a set...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

There are worse things in life than death. Have you ever spent an evening with...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job.

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

Don't knock masturbation - it's sex with someone I love

I hate women because they always know where things are.

I hate women because they always know where things are.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

On Halloween, the parents sent their kids out looking like me.

I remember the 'Checkered Demon'. He's this little devil with this three-foot dong that just...

I remember the 'Checkered Demon'. He's this little devil with this three-foot dong that just...