It seemed the world was divided into good and bad people. The good ones slept better while the bad ones seemed to enjoy the waking hours much more.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Woody Allen Quotes

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The difference between sex and death is that with death you can do it alone...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

When we played softball, I'd steal second base, feel guilty and go back.

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

Sex is nobody's business except the three people involved

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching over us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

The lion and the calf shall lie down together but the calf won't get much...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go it's one of...

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

I think being funny is not anyone's first choice.

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

My luck is getting worse and worse. Last night, for instance, I was mugged by...

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

There is no remedy for sex but more sex.

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

As the post said, 'Only God can make a tree,' probably because it's so hard...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work. I want to achieve it through...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

Sex is like having dinner: sometimes you joke about the dishes, sometimes you take the...

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

You know that look women get when they want sex? Me neither

Sex is unclean, not because of the pleasure, but because of the suffering it brings

Sex is unclean, not because of the pleasure, but because of the suffering it brings