It is impossible to experience one's death objectively and still carry a tune.
Quote by Woody Allen
Woody Allen Quotes
I've never been an intellectual but I have this look.
I had a terrible education. I attended a school for emotionally disturbed teachers.
Life is divided into the horrible and the miserable.
In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.
He was so depressed, he tried to commit suicide by inhaling next to an Armenian.
I wish I could think of a positive point to leave you with. Will you...
Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...
There is no remedy for sex but more sex.
I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.
If my films don't show a profit, I know I'm doing something right.
Sex without love is an empty experience, but as empty experiences go, it's one of...
To love is to suffer. To avoid suffering, one must not love. But then, one...
What if everything is an illusion and nothing exists? In that case, I definitely overpaid...
I'm not afraid to die, I just don't want to be there when it happens.
Seventy percent of success in life is showing up.
Not only is there no God, but try getting a plumber on weekends.
If you want to make God laugh, tell him about your plans.
Basically my wife was immature. I'd be at home in the bath and she'd come...
If my films make one more person miserable, I'll feel I have done my job
I'm very proud of my gold pocket watch. My grandfather, on his deathbed, sold me...