If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

There was a power outage at a department store yesterday. Twenty people were trapped on...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

How young can you die of old age?

How young can you die of old age?

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves reakfast at any time. So I ordered French...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

Ever notice how irons have a setting for permanent press? I don't get it.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

If toast always lands butter-side down, and cats always land on their feet, what happens...

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the...

Borrow your wife's pink slippers just to go check the mail and everybody in the...

Every man is a creature of the age in which he lives; very few are...

Every man is a creature of the age in which he lives; very few are...

It is always easy in life to make a joke on the serious thoughts than...

It is always easy in life to make a joke on the serious thoughts than...