If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

I met this wonderful girl at Macy's. She was buying clothes and I was putting...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

If you are in a spaceship that is traveling at the speed of light, and...

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

Sponges grow in the ocean. That just kills me. I wonder how much deeper the...

What's another word for Thesaurus?

What's another word for Thesaurus?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to...

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

So, do you live around here often?

So, do you live around here often?

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.

It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.