If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Steven Wright Quotes

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I had a friend who was a clown. When he died, all his friends went...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

I just got out of the hospital. I was in a speed-reading accident. I hit...

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I play the harmonica. The only way I can play is if I get my...

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

When I was crossing the border into Canada, they asked if I had any firearms...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I watched the Indy 500, and I was thinking that if they left earlier they...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

George is a radio announcer, and when he walks under a bridge... you can't hear...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

When I was a kid, I went to the store and asked the guy, Do...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

I went to the museum where they had all the heads and arms from the...

What a nice night for an evening.

What a nice night for an evening.