My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.