Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Wherever there is power there is age.

Wherever there is power there is age.

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.

Forty is the old age of youth; fifty the youth of old age.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...