Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Age Quotes, Funny Quotes

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Baseball hasn't been the national pastime for many years now - no sport is. The...

Baseball hasn't been the national pastime for many years now - no sport is. The...

After Jackie Robinson the most important black in baseball history is

After Jackie Robinson the most important black in baseball history is