The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than a healthy wise old man

There is nothing more beautiful in the world than a healthy wise old man

The world's crazy when it comes to beauty.

The world's crazy when it comes to beauty.