The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Phyllis Diller Quotes

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

I asked the waiter, 'Is this milk fresh?' He said, 'Lady, three hours ago it...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Any time three New Yorkers get into a cab without an argument, a bank has...

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

He has so many muscles he has to make an appointment to move his fingers.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...