Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I admit, I have a tremendous sex drive. My boyfriend lives forty miles away.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.