Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

My mother-in-law had a pain beneath her left breast. Turned out to be a trick...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Burt Reynolds once asked me out. I was in his room.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants...

Baseball is like a poker game. Nobody wants to quit when he's losing; nobody wants...

I think about baseball when I wake up in the morning. I think about it...

I think about baseball when I wake up in the morning. I think about it...

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of...

The triple is the most exciting play in baseball. Home runs win a lot of...