Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

The real reason your pro tells you to keep your head down is so you...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing up is like shoveling the walk...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

You know you're old if they have discontinued your blood type.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.