Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and three dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Quotes, Women Quotes

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age as your beauty fades,...

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

Our dog died from licking our wedding picture.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

My cooking is so bad my kids thought Thanksgiving was to commemorate Pearl Harbor

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle - keep away from...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next...

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

His finest hour lasted a minute and a half.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and...

Advertising causes conflicts at exactly the most vulnerable age for children to be in conflict...

Advertising causes conflicts at exactly the most vulnerable age for children to be in conflict...

Children are our most valuable natural resource.

Children are our most valuable natural resource.

Benevolence alone will not make a teacher, nor will learning alone do it. The gift...

Benevolence alone will not make a teacher, nor will learning alone do it. The gift...