What I don't like about office Christmas parties is looking for a job the next day.

Quote by Phyllis Diller

Topics: Funny Christmas Quotes

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

Tranquilizers work only if you follow the advice on the bottle--keep away from children.

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

It's a good thing that beauty is only skin deep, or I'd be rotten to...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes,...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the...

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

You know you're old if your walker has an airbag.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

Old age is when the liver spots show through your gloves.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

My photographs don't do me justice - they just look like me.

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want...

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

If it weren't for baseball, many kids wouldn't know what a millionaire looked like.

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Most children threaten at times to run away from home. This is the only thing...

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: Eat out.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I've been asked to say a couple of words about my husband, Fang. How about...

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing.

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

There's a new medical crisis. Doctors are reporting that many men are having allergic reactions...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

The reason the pro tells you to keep your head down is so you can't...

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.

I buried a lot of my ironing in the back yard.