I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Quotes about Steven Wright

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Last week the candle factory burned down. Everyone just stood around and sang Happy Birthday.

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I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

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I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

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So, do you live around here often?

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If God dropped acid, would he see people?

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I invented the cordless extension cord.

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I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

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Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up...

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I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.

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