Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.
Quote by Steven Wright
I think God's going to come down and pull civilization over for speeding.
I put instant coffee in a microwave oven and almost went back in time.
Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.
My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.
I replaced the headlights in my car with strobe lights, so it looks like I'm...
I went to a restaurant that serves 'breakfast at any time'. So I ordered French...
I like to reminisce with people I don't know.
I was reading the dictionary. I thought it was a poem about everything.
What's another word for Thesaurus?
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
In Vegas, I got into a long argument with the man at the roulette wheel...
I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...
Hermits have no peer pressure.
I invented the cordless extension cord.
I went to a general store but they wouldn't let me buy anything specific.
Curiosity killed the cat, but for a while I was a suspect.
I stayed in a really old hotel last night. They sent me a wake-up letter.
I used to work in a fire hydrant factory. You couldn't park anywhere near the...
It's a small world, but I wouldn't want to have to paint it.
I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.