Cross country skiing is great if you live in a small country.

Quote by Steven Wright

Topics: Funny Quotes

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I woke up this morning my girlfriend asked me, Did you sleep good? I...

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

When I die, I'm leaving my body to science fiction.

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

Last year I went fishing with Salvador Dali. He was using a dotted line. He...

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I think it's wrong that only one company makes the game Monopoly.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'm writing an unauthorized autobiography.

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

The only reason people get lost in thought is because its unfamiliar territory.

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

I saw a bank that said 24 Hour Banking, but I don't have that much...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the...

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Hermits have no peer pressure.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

Right now I'm having amnesia and deja vu at the same time.

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

If God dropped acid, would he see people?

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

I hooked up my accelerator pedal in my car to my brake lights. I hit...

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

It doesn't make a difference what temperature a room is, it's always room temperature.

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

You can't have everything. Where would you put it?

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

I poured spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

When I was a little kid we had a sand box. It was a quicksand...

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.

I have an existential map. It has 'You are here' written all over it.