If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

No man goes before his time unless the boss leaves early.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

Ever since they found out that Lassie was a boy, the public has believed the...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

I could dance till the cows come home. On second thought, I'd rather dance with...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

A man's only as old as the woman he feels.

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...

I have a mind to join a club and beat you over the head with...