I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend. Inside of a dog, it's...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog...

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

Alimony is like buying hay for a dead horse.

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Well, Art is Art, isn't it? Still, on the other hand, water is water. And...

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas...

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I intend to live forever, or die trying.

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I never forget a face, but in your case I'll be glad to make an...

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

I must confess, I was born at a very early age.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows, marriage does

Blood's not thicker than money.

Blood's not thicker than money.

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

Anybody who doesn't like this book is healthy

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the...

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

Politics doesn't make strange bedfellows - marriage does.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...