I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.

Quote by Groucho Marx

Topics: Groucho Marx Quotes

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I convulsed...

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.

Home is where you hang your head

Home is where you hang your head

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Remember men, we're fighting for this woman's honor; which is probably more than she ever...

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can...

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Room service? Send up a larger room.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Those are my principles, and if you don't like them... well, I have others.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

Whoever named it necking was a poor judge of anatomy.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

No one is completely unhappy at the failure of his best friend.

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

Only one man in a thousand is a leader of men, the other 999 follow...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff...

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was...

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...

There's one way to find out if a man is honest - ask him. If...