Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Advice Quotes

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

In California, they don't throw their garbage away - they make it into TV shows.

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I have bad reflexes. I was once run over by a car being pushed by...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

I don't think my parents liked me. They put a live teddy bear in my...

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

Dying is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I went to the Statue...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

And my parents finally realise that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: they...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

I don't have to 'freedom-kiss' my wife when what I really want to do is...

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

And my parents finally realize that I'm kidnapped and they snap into action immediately: They...

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

The prison psychiatrist asked me if I thought sex was dirty. I told him only...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

How can I believe in God when only last week I got my tongue caught...

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I am two with nature.

I am two with nature.

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

We're more effective than birth control pills.

We're more effective than birth control pills.

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...

Saturday Night Live is such a comedy boot camp in a way, because you get...