Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Advice Quotes

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills... they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Another good thing about being poor is that when you are seventy your children will...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Right now it's only a notion, but I think I can get the money to...

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

Remember, if you smoke after sex you're doing it too fast.

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

Sex is better than talk...Talk is what you suffer through so you can get to...

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

I believe there is something out there watching us. Unfortunately, it's the government.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

In my house I'm the boss, my wife is just the decision maker.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The baby is fine. The only problem is that he looks like Edward G. Robinson.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

The food here is terrible, and the portions are too small.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

My education was dismal. I went to a series of schools for mentally disturbed teachers.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

Why are our days numbered and not, say, lettered?

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

I was thrown out of college for cheating on the metaphysics exam; I looked into...

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

Comrade, I give you my hand, I give you my love more precious than money,...

Comrade, I give you my hand, I give you my love more precious than money,...

What's worth doing is worth doing for money

What's worth doing is worth doing for money

We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our roof tight...

We take care of our health, we lay up money, we make our roof tight...