Just don't take any class where you have to read BEOWULF.

Quote by Woody Allen

Topics: Advice Quotes

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

Sex alleviates tension. Love causes it.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

The last time I was inside a woman was when I was inside the Statue...

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

In Beverly Hills...they don't throw their garbage away. They make it into television shows.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Harvard makes mistakes too, you know. Kissinger taught there.

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Life is full of misery, loneliness, and suffering - and it's all over much too...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Organized crime in America takes in over forty billion dollars a year and spends very...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

Comedy just pokes at problems, rarely confronts them squarely. Drama is like a plate of...

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If there is reincarnation, I'd like to come back as Pamela Andersons fingertips.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

If you want to make God laugh, tell him your future plans.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

I'm not afraid to die. I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Death is one of the few things that can be done as easily lying down....

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternity is really long, especially near the end

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Eternal nothingness is fine if you happen to be dressed for it.

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Thought: Why does man kill? He kills for food. And not only food: frequently there...

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

Bisexuality immediately doubles your chances for a date on Saturday night.

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

You can live to be a hundred if you give up all the things that...

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

If my film makes one more person miserable, I've done my job

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down I was...

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles,...

Listen to the mustn'ts, child. Listen to the don'ts. Listen to the shouldn'ts, the impossibles,...

The manner in which Americans ''consume'' music has a lot to do with leaving it...

The manner in which Americans ''consume'' music has a lot to do with leaving it...